I’m going to give you a warning… this is SUCH TL;DR, but if you care…

Does a movie critic give a bad review to a movie he hasn’t yet seen? No.

Having seen the full Femme Fatale Album leaked, I figured I’d give her a fair listen. If there’s one thing I can predict BEFORE listening to the tracks, it’s that Britney’s people are the masters of filler, and PERFECTLY pick her singles.

Unfortunately, after my first listen through, I was not wrong. Some songs are good, some songs are bad, but definitely the only two of the three songs that are Britney perfection are the two singles thus far. On top of Britney not being the type of pop sound I normally like, I was just… left wanting more. It was definitely filled with a couple “Email My Heart”s, some “Everytime”s and only a few “Toxic”s… if that makes sense.

Here is my quick review after hearing the album about 5 times since this morning… and you don’t have to agree with me, as you know… it’s JUST. MY. OPINION. But I’m sure haters are gonna hate…

Till The World Ends (5/5) Perfection. Next!

Hold It Against Me (5/5) Perfection. Next!

Bag Fat Bass (2/5) Will.I.Am adds NOTHING to this song except an annoying backtrack. The chorus - we GET IT, a play on words (I can be the trouble/treble) - but it just got annoying. Underwhelming song. Mediocre beat. Also, is it just me or is this a euphemism for sex - I can be the treble, you can be the bass - treble clef is above bass clef… or am I just being a music nerd? 

Criminal (3/5) Okay, what the fuck is this 2nd grade flute doing in this song? Moving on… at least Britney has some range in this song - and she sounds like she’s actually singing. If I’m going to pick a favorite low-tempo song on the album (so far), this is it. It’s kinda a slow jam. I think the subject matter is the answer to Gaga’s “Judas” - loving the guy you shouldn’t. I’ll take Gaga’s version, and I haven’t even heard it yet.

Drop Dead Beautiful (1/5) Who the fuck is Sabi? Go home. No singing here, kinda autotuned rapping (Ke$ha?!) Not much happening in this song. Again, Sabi, wtf are you? You’re the Colby O’Donis of this song.

Gasoline (4/5)  Having just listened to Drop Dead Beautiful, I’ll take ANYTHING else. This song was kinda cute. Fun play with syncopation, and at least a bit of singing - less autotune. I appreciated this song - wish it had more of a dance feel to it. The song itself would have been good if it were danceable. I’ll wait for the club remix. Still a JAM of the album.

How I Roll (3/5) This song starts like FIRE, and I think I’m going to love it, but it just doesn’t HIT where you think it should. It doesn’t deliver what you’re SO READY TO RECEIVE. The preview of it gave away the best part, and it just doesn’t… BLAST OFF like you really want it to. Can you tell I was underwhelmed? The song is good, different, unique… but just falls short. I’m so sad! If I had to channel Tyra… We WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU, “HOW I ROLL”!

Seal It With a Kiss (1/5) This song is shit. Forgettable. Or at least I hope it is, for the sake of my brain, I don’t want that shit lingering. It’s just… very… first album of Britney. It’s like she didn’t want to be unrecognizable, but then at the same time, she just came across as juvenile. Definitely a swing and a miss.

Trip To Your Heart (1/5) Note to artists: good beats don’t equate to good songs. This sounds like a Little Boots song, but more boring. Anyone else hear it? Plus, once she started listing the places she wanted to take a trip to on some guy’s body, I was ooooooover it.

Trouble For Me (4/5) This song is good. I can dance to it. I want to sing along to it. But then again, I’m not going to request it at the bar. But this is kind of a jam. Kind of. I think this will be the grower of the album for me. That’s why it gets a 4 instead of a 3.

I Wanna Go (5/5) If I know Britney, this WILL be a single, or at least a fan favorite. It’s fun. It’s quirky. I wanted more singing, less stuttering. But I’ll jam to it. I’ll dance to it. I’ll sing to it.

Inside Out (2/5) Slow and steady… puts me to sleep. This song is trying to be sexy. I’m just bored. Maybe people will like it. But I’d rather have sex listening to some other album. Namely, Britney’s ex, Justin Timberlake’s.

Fortunately, they weren’t all (1/5)… but I was left wanting more singles, less filler. With so much hype, I just want HIT after HIT. And then reading the big wig reviews of the album, I want to agree with it… but it’s just hard. So many media news/blog sites are so far up Britney’s ass, for some reason. However. I will say this… it was DEFINITELY not as bad as I thought it was going to be…

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?